Flavor Changes, Love Remains

As we grow older, the sugar-coatings and the gift wraps start coming off until the innermost skeletons of life start showing. The flavors change and everything starts smelling, looking and tasting different. Not everything attains bleakness or takes a turn towards the worse, but the ‘feel’ of everything changes.

It’s a Durga Pujo Saptami evening. Despite not having essentially been a Calcuttan throughout my life, I’ve always been in the city at this time of the year(apart from in 1998 –the year my family had insisted on touring the Garhwal and Kumaon hills). Exhaustive pandal-hopping to visiting relatives, scaling heights and attaining elevation with friends to donning those new-colorful attires- I’ve had a taste of everything that Pujos in my city are famous for. Yet some of the flavors of the yesteryears are no more. No dhaaki at Maddox Square, no Pirate-ship at Deshopriyo Park, no long queue at Bosepukur Sitala Mandir can replenish the certain warmly cosy and stomach-and-heart-churningly happy feeling in the crevices and recesses of my mind anymore. I wonder why? I’ve not undergone any major tragedy nor have I come to derive immense pleasures from any other quarters of my life. The various puja committees still contend for the position of the ‘Best Pujo’ of the city but the entire excitement surrounding the diversity of themes on display, like in the past, is no more. People still wear those new black tees, and girls still get their faces made up, and hair straightened, and cling to their boyfriends(and their potbellies) while riding pillion on their bikes, and the rains still come and wash off the decorations off some pandals, and the puchka-wallahs still make the extra profit, and the Pre-pujo sales still happen, but what the heck?? The flavor is different.

It’s like it was a different Pujo-time me then, and the me of 2009 are entirely different people. I hardly go out with my parents anymore. The memories of the Pujos of the past come back to visit me like visions of another life. These memories are generally lined with inexplicable silver coatings and red hues in my mind… I also terribly, terribly miss the car journeys that we would make from Maithon to Calcutta on Panchamis every year, after school would give over for the vacations. The music playing inside the car, the numerous small-pujas dotting the highway-sides, the awesomely cool(although sometimes smoke laden) air would keep streaming into the car when we would keep the glass-panes open. The highway-dhabas, the occasional tea and aloo paratha halts, the cold-drinks and the Anjan Dutta/Mohiner Ghoraguli or the corny Hindi songs, the plans surrounding the celebration of the festival- all of this would be enough to transform me to a different realm altogether… I fail to understand why I never derive joys from such little thrills anymore. Big city life, maybe?

Having said all this, this season still stays one of my favorite phases in the entire year. And Bijoya Dashami is still the day that makes me feel like I am losing someone very close to me. The wait of one more year-the newspapers say. The year will fly past without your realizing it, they add. “Yeah right!”, I say. A WHOLE EFFIN’ YEAR. Yet, indeed the year whizzes past. Birthdays come, exams come, depressions come, desires to go jump off the terrace come, happiness and excitements come, crushes happen, heartbreaks happen, differences arise, drifting apart from close ones takes place, patching up with certain other people happens, Diwali,Christmas,New Year,Summers,Monsoons go by, until it’s Pujo again. Flavors have changed, but the love remains. I know that even today if I happen to be compelled to stay this time of the year in anyplace other than this city of mine, I will suffer immense mental ‘monkemon’ and trauma-related-to-missing-the-festive-Calcutta…

P.S.: I know I’m an atheist, but sometimes I like to believe Ma. Durga and her family is a real concept. Not because I depend on her to resolve my life-issues, but somehow the entire concept of her family is very cute, especially in these times of fragmented families, where one constituent hardly has time for any of the others(and no one complains).

A New Language.

Times change, generations change, but some things never really change. Socially awkward people stay misfits and never find a place for themselves. That was the way the cookie crumbled in the past, and it still crumbles the same way today. Rock music was the voice of rebellion against the tried-and-tested-and-accepted social rules and norms. It was the revolution that questioned bureaucratic authorities. And then it became mainstream, like everything else. Today, calling one’s own self a ‘misfit’ is ‘coolness’. Everyone today goes by ‘I am what I am, Accept me for what I am’. Everyone today is a rebel. The rebel-rocker. The one who headbangs. The one who has tattoos and piercings. The one who is ‘different’ from all the rest. In this voice of rebellion, there are so many rebels , but sadly most of them hardly know what they are supposed to be standing up against, or sticking for. Joe Sat, and Jimmy Page, Kurt Cobain and Freddie Mercury… All the gigs… Learn to strum on your guitar. Dude, that makes you cool. And what, by the way, were these icons trying to get to become obsolete? Any idea, man? Oh how can you?? You are the rockstar, the misfit, the-oppressed miserable adolescent. You have enough issues on your own mind to pause and realize that even today the REAL MISFITS are lonely. They probably haven’t taken to your language, your way of life, which was initially claimed to be the refuge that could provide the weirdos with some shelter?? And not just rock-music. Everything that was niche yesterday is so cliché, so sold-out today. Even this note of disgust is very commonplace in its tone and pattern.

Hadn’t we found an umbrella under which every creature that had not found a safe home in the society could take shelter under?? Why does this umbrella act like the cell-membrane now? Only selectively permeable? Why do we still make faces and smirk at people who aren’t ‘normal’? Why are our minds still so constricted? Why do we cringe at our parents’ outdated beliefs and ideals when we ourselves are merely faking the liberal-mindedness? We are the generation that really wanted to be ‘ranged basanti’(liberated through the chastity and energy of saffron). We are the generation that was supposed to awaken. Weren’t we? Then why does the train still look ready to derail??

It’s time to find a new language of protest.A new language to convey the message that the REAL unusual,unconvential people have been through a lot of shit. A new language that will not hesitate to call a spade a spade and then shove it up the asses of the 'normal', 'cool' motherfuckers.A new language... Not blood, neither gore. Not flowers, nor colors. It needs to be something else, something never previously envisioned. Promise me my friends, you all shall be with me in this quest of seeking out this new device…

Till then, Happy Durga Pujo…
Let not your atheism come in the way of your celebrating this festival…

A Decade Gone By

(From my personal diaries, language and content unchanged)

8th September 1999 : Studied for the Maths test tomorrow. Baba helped me pump up the Nivea beach-ball today. Also, played Monopoly with Didu and Buiya.

8th September 2000 : ‘Ujjwal Ek Jhank Payra’ dance final selections done. Our class will be putting it up for the Parent’s Night in December. Debadrita and Snigdha will help us learn the steps mainly.

8th September 2001 : Enjoyed Delhi. Visited some tourist destinations. Visited the Chattarpur temple complex. Saw Keyamashi’s new flat in Gurgaon. Also visited the Lotus Temple. Had lunch at Mc Donald’s with Chicken McGrill with cheese.

8th September 2002 : Baba returned from Thailand. He got us a lot of things. An Ultraman bag, a T-shirt, a shirt, two shorts and Name-stamps for me. He also got loads of things for others. He also got yummy pineapple chunks, and Chrysanthemum drink, and countless chocolates.

8th September 2003 : Watched Koi Mil Gaya for the 2nd time, on a rented CD. Returned Pallavi the cassettes I’d borrowed from her. Studied for the Geography test.

8th September 2004 : Baba went off to Thailand and Singapore for the 5th time. Also, I think Buiya has been reading my diaries or has been cooking up tales and telling Ma that I’m having an affair with… which is so not true… Enjoyed badminton with her, though.

8th September 2005 : Anita Thapa’s Birthday. Physics Practical- Find the time period ‘t’ of a simple pendulum. Reissued the Erle Stanley Gardner’s books from the library and also issued Agatha Christie’s ‘Why Didn’t They Ask Evans’. Convinced Anindita that today would be my last day at DNS. Journeyed towards Calcutta by Black Diamond Express.

8th September 2006 : The fever did not resurface for the 2nd day today. So, has my typhoid left me? I suppose it has. Started making study-plans for the second terminal examinations. Lots to study. Don’t know how I’m gonna cope.

8th September 2007 :Met Debadrita’s new fucking bitch of a best friend Debanjali. If Debadrita wants to claim that Debanjali is like Deboleena, I will be the last person to believe her. Oh my god, never have I hated anyone so much based on the first meeting. Nikita, Rilina, Vishal and RahulDeep still think I’m dating Debadrita. Also, Rahuldeep admitted to be nurturing feelings for *edited*. Haw. I would never imagine.

8th September 2008 : School gave over after 6th period. Hung out in CCD with Arvind and Ikshaku after school. Discussed how even Ikshaku’s parents think he’s gone astray(in all respects :P)

My Resolutions And The Girl-I've-Never-Met-Properly's Retorts

People don’t like me. They loathe me. They are irritated with the way I am. My mum tells me if I stay the way I am, I shall find it difficult to survive in this world. I relate with the trailers of ‘Wake Up Sid’, and I realize that being such a great shirker is not at all a good thing. I have realized I need to be a certain way to exist in today’s world, I have realized I need to be just another brick in the wall, because if I tend to differ, the world will point out how horribly mindfucking an undoing I am to the entire aesthetic beauty of the wall, and will not allow me to rest until I have camouflaged myself according to how the rulebooks would have me be.

Thus, I have resolved to change myself in the following ways.

College Resolutions :
1. I will attend all classes, including the pass classes.
2. I will not climb the tree adjacent to the canteen
3. I will not apply hair-gel
4. I will not play hide-and-seek
5. I will not hit girls back when they hit me
6. I will not get a camera to college
7. I will not visit the tank
8. I will not order soft-drinks in the canteen
9. I will take down notes, buy atleast a few books
10. I will not shout, laugh out loudly , won’t be ‘loud’ in general
11. I will not pair any of my classmates up with other people just to tease them
12. I will stay within my limits
13. I will not dance to vulgar steps a la the ‘Raat Ke Dhai Baje’ Step
14. I will not wear shorts(esp. checked ones) to college
15. I will wear tees to college, only full-sleeved shirts
16. I will not wear a hair-band to college
17. I will not photograph anyone without their permission
18. I will not behave like a girl
19. I will not smile like there’s no tomorrow
20. I will not go “Goggiieee” when I see the pups near the canteen
21. I will never visit the Quadrangle
22. I will respect my seniors
23. I will respect everyone’s feelings even if they don’t respect mine
24. I will call no one names even if I find them bitching about me.
25. I will be a career-oriented person.
26. I will be best friends with Pranabes Dutta
27. I will try to like Sambojyoti Biswas , will not think of him as filth
28. I will not check out girls
29. I will not wear slippers to college, only 1990’s cheap-shoes.
30. I will not raindance infront of professors.

Life Resolutions:
1. I will not want to be Peter Pan
2. I will not dream of making movies
3. I will not go looking for Neverland
4. I will not drink coffee
5. I will get hair-cuts on time
6. I will not make anti-Assamese racist jokes
7. I will not switch on the fan when my mom is cold
8. I will not play Farmville
9. I will not relate with the black-sheep while playing Farmville
10. I will try to give up on Facebooking
11. I will not use nyaka-lingo like ‘nyaka’, ‘re’, ‘Ahare’
12. I will hate Hindi, because it is cool to.
13. I will hate Bangla, because it is cool to.
14. I will hate Hindi and Bangla, even though I love them both, because English is for the cool-kids
15. I will not be such an uncool-kid
16. I will love army-movies
17. I will hate the Faraway Tree because I’m a kid no longer
18. I will hate the Harry Potter series because it is a sell-out
19. I will dislike Queen because Freddie Mercury was gay
20. I will support homosexuality in a debate-competition and then later laugh about gay people
21. I will not ask for Ray-Ban sunglasses
22. I will not like Joan Baez
23. I will not whine if my iTunes doesn’t read my iPod
24. I will be politically aware
25. I will hate the rain because adults face a lot of inconvenience whenever it rains
26. I will hate Bollywood because it stoops down to plagiarism, and Hollywood doesn’t(nevermind those countless reproductions of K-horror and J-horror flicks)
27. I will be responsible
28. I will not sleep till 1 pm
29. I will not want to consume bullets for breakfast and piranhas for lunch
30. I will not compose insanely sugar-coated poems like Colourfly
31. I will remember that triphenylmethyl radical was the first free radical discovered
32. I will remember that only losers are interested in the love stories of their favorite actors
33. I will not confuse Gauss’s Theorem with Ampere’s Circuital law
34. I will know how to differentiate and double-differentiate functions that resemble the Russian script.
35. I will not be skeptical about Obama’s intentions.
36. I will always think, ‘Yes, I can’. Only losers are ever insecure.
37. I will not show-off that I know the capitals of most of the countries of today’s segregated world
38. I will truly repent that I never took my engineering Joint-entrance exams despite scoring a 93.5% with sciences in my School-final(ISC) exams.
39. I will not want to be a globe-trotter
40. I will be happy to end up with a job in an office-cubicle
41. I will be a typical Bangali, and like Maachh-bhaat
42. I will not be proud of my Jharkhand-small town upbringing. I will only talk about my Army upbringing.
43. I will not like Calcutta because it is a laid-back city, despite the fact that this very city has been home to my grandparents, and parents and my sister and me.
44. I will pretend that I hated Biology in school since guys who like it are effeminate
45. I will like Maths, because ‘intelligent’ people are adept at it
46. I will not be stuck up when I meet new people for I might be labeled ‘snob’, I will not be overly friendly when I meet new people for I might be labeled ‘desperate’. I will not be confused not knowing what to do.
47. I will learn to play the guitar. Cool guys know how to.
48. I will not be random
49. I will not brood
50. I will not like Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy’s ‘Pyaar Ke Liye’ but I will like Rahman’s ‘Jiggy-Wiggy’ because it is Rahman, afterall.
51. I will not like Rani Mukherjee.
52. I will not relate with Phoebe Buffay/ Luna Lovegood
53. I will not crib about having to travel with dirty people in public vehicles. Political Incorrectness, I am told
54. I will not like Golmaal Returns
55. I will like Scarlett Johansson because normal guys do.
56. I will never be up to any mischief
57. I will know who I am
58. I will not love the smell of petrol.
59. I will not feel bad for the Coyote, and curse the Road Runner’s precociousness
60. I will not lose another mobile phone
61. I will learn to not hold grudges. This way, I’ll be a better person
62. I will not manipulate
63. I will not make fun of Ikshaku
64. I will be perfect
65. I will not live.



To which my dear friend Rudrani replied :


Quand Goswami est devenu fou (Corrections/Comments are done in Italics)

People don’t like me. UTTER UTTER LIE! BUT NO LONGER SO AFTER THIS NOTE.
They loathe me. NOW, MAYBE. TO THINK YOU'D BE INSECURE ENOUGH ABOUT YOURSELF TO DO THIS ... IT'S NOT LOATHING THOUGH, IT'S DISAPPOINTMENT
They are irritated with the way I am. *CHOKH KOTMOT*
My mum tells me if I stay the way I am, I shall find it difficult to survive in this world.
I relate with the trailers of ‘Wake Up Sid’, and I realize that being such a great shirker is not at all a good thing. DUDE, THEY ARE MUMS! THIS IS PART OF THEIR JOB DESCRIPTION! TO MAKE THEIR KIDS FEEL LIKE VERMIN-INFESTED APES. WHY RID THEM OF THIS SIMPLE JOY?
I have realized I need to be a certain way to exist in today’s world, I have realized I need to be just another brick in the wall, because if I tend to differ, the world will point out how horribly mindfucking an undoing I am to the entire aesthetic beauty of the wall, and will not allow me to rest until I have camouflaged myself according to how the rulebooks would have me be. SEE THE WHOLE BRICK THING, MAKES FOR A REALLY GOOD SONG! BUT HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU KID, YOU AREN'T PINK FLOYD, SO STOP BOTHERING ABOUT IT ! HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO ITALY? OR MEXICO? BHERY BHERY PRETTY! PARTLY COZ NO ONE GIVES A DAMN ABOUT WHAT THEIR WALLS LOOK LIKE! IT'S ALL JAZZED UP! WHO WANTS A PLAIN WALL WHEN YOU CAN HAVE A ORNATE ONE?

Thus, I have resolved to change myself in the following ways.

College Resolutions :
1. I will attend all classes, including the pass classes. IF YOU WANT TO, SURE! BUT ALWAYS ... NAH! CLASSES ARE KINDA OVERRATED. ESPECIALLY YOU MUST NEVER BURDEN YOUR BRAINS WITH THE CLASSES THAT CONSIST OF ARCHAIC VERBAGE THAT DOES NOTHING FOR YOU! OKKE?
2. I will not climb the tree adjacent to the canteen WHY DEPRIVE YOUR SYSTEM OF THE EXERCISE?
3. I will not apply hair-gel THAT IS THE ONE GOOD THING I HAVE SEEN SO FAR :P
4. I will not play hide-and-seek EBABA! OUTRAGEOUS! ETA PATI MENE NEWA JACHHENA
5. I will not hit girls back when they hit me JUST AVOID THE RACK, AND YOU SHOULD BE OK WITH THIS ONE!
6. I will not get a camera to college CARTIER ER NATI AMAR, JUSTIFY THIS ONE ....
7. I will not visit the tank BESH NONGRA AR DURGONDHO JAEGA, KINTU MAJHE MODHYE GELE SHOJHYO SHOKTI BARBE
8. I will not order soft-drinks in the canteen AND MISS OUT ON THE TINY GLASSES OF DUBIOUS SMELLING LIQUID THAT I SUSPECT IS SPURIOUS COKE, HARGIS NAHI!
9. I will take down notes, buy atleast a few books ETA KORAI JAE! TEMON CHAAP NEI
10. I will not shout, laugh out loudly , won’t be ‘loud’ in general MAJHE MAJHE NA CHECHALE, PRACTICE CHOLE JABE. TOKKHON JOKHON SHOTTI I PROTIBAAD KORTE CHECHANO DORKAR, DEKHBI AR PARCHHISHNA. BEING 'LOUD' ER I TO BOYESH BOSS, PORE GOMBHIR WHITE COLLAR KAKU HOWA JABE KHON! KEMON?
11. I will not pair any of my classmates up with other people just to tease them ARRE, MOST COUPLES ARE BORN OUT OF THIS! OTOEB, ETA NA KORLE, YOU DEPRIVE A LOT OF PEOPLE OF LOVE, BUZLA?
12. I will stay within my limits DEFINE LIMITS
13. I will not dance to vulgar steps a la the ‘Raat Ke Dhai Baje’ Step HAVE YOU SEEN THE DANCE? OTA KE RESIST KORA JAENA! EROM KORLE CONSPITATION HOBE!
14. I will not wear shorts(esp. checked ones) to college AT LEAST LAAL TA PORISH! PLICCH PLICHH
15. I will wear tees to college, only full-sleeved shirts GOROM KALE GHAMACHI HOBE!
16. I will not wear a hair-band to college YOU HAVE MY FULL SUPPORT!
17. I will not photograph anyone without their permission AIYO! TEHELKA MONE ACHHE? PERMISSION CHHARA CHHOBI NITE REFUSE KORLE ESHOB KOKKHONO HOTO?
18. I will not behave like a girl COMMENTS RESERVED
19. I will not smile like there’s no tomorrow HERE'S THE SECRET KID, THERE IS NO TOMORROW!
20. I will not go “Goggiieee” when I see the pups near the canteen ORA DUKHHU PABE TOH! OTA PRAANI NIRJATON HOE JABE!
21. I will never visit the Quadrangle ETA KI?
22. I will respect my seniors UNLESS THEY ARE COMPLETE BITCHES/BASTARDS!
23. I will respect everyone’s feelings even if they don’t respect mine :) :) :)
24. I will call no one names even if I find them bitching about me. AC OCCASIONAL TUM FAB FAALE KUTTE HO NEVER HURT ANYONE!
25. I will be a career-oriented person. NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT, UNLESS IT'S AT THE COST OF ANOTHER FACET OF ZE PERSONALITY
26. I will be best friends with Pranabes Dutta EKE AMI CHININA, TOBE EKE AMAR MOTEO POCHHONDO HOCHHE NA
27. I will try to like Sambojyoti Biswas , will not think of him as filth SAME AS ABOVE
28. I will not check out girls SAME AS THE PUPS! ORA DUKKHU PABE. THIS IS THE MUCH NEEDED EGO BOOST FOR THEM.
29. I will not wear slippers to college, only 1990’s cheap-shoes. VINTAGE IS COOL, UNLESS THESE ARE PUMP SHOES!
30. I will not raindance infront of professors. MIGHT BE A GOOD IDEA! BUT THEN I HAVE DONE DHAN TA NAN IN FRONT OF MY HOD. HE DIDN'T SEEM TO MIND MUCH! YOU MIGHT AS WELL ASK THEM TO JOIN YOU AND BE SURPRISED :D

Life Resolutions:
1. I will not want to be Peter Pan MANCHHINA
2. I will not dream of making movies MANBONA
3. I will not go looking for Neverland PUJO R CHHUTI PORLEI KHUJTE JABO. KEMON? MORE IMPORTANTLY, PEYEO JABO!
4. I will not drink coffee SHORIR ER POKKHE BHALO! KINTU CAFFEIN BRAIN ER FUEL ! OTOEB, YOU SHALL BE FORCEFED (DRUNK??) COFFEE
5. I will get hair-cuts on time
6. I will not make anti-Assamese racist jokes ARE IKSHAKU DUKKHU PABE JE!
7. I will not switch on the fan when my mom is cold AWWLE!
8. I will not play Farmville VERY ANNOYING! BUT IT'S PART OF BEING RITWIK GOSWAMI, AND HENCE, NA KHELLE MARBO!
9. I will not relate with the black-sheep while playing Farmville hEE hEE
10. I will try to give up on Facebooking *NARROWS EYES* IS THIS MOCKING ME?
11. I will not use nyaka-lingo like ‘nyaka’, ‘re’, ‘Ahare’ AHAREEEE!
12. I will hate Hindi, because it is cool to. WHAT RUBBISH! ONE MUST NOT INSULT RASHTRA BHASHA
13. I will hate Bangla, because it is cool to. THEN HO WILL YOU SAY GANDU?
14. I will hate Hindi and Bangla, even though I love them both, because English is for the cool-kids YOU IS AN UNKOOL-KID AND WE LUURVE YOU THAT WAY, OKKE?
15. I will not be such an uncool-kid M'DEAR ARORA, SEE ABOVE
16. I will love army-movies THAT TOH IS OKKE! KHUB KANNA KATI KORLE HORMONAL BALANCE THIK HOE JAE! AR A 'BORDER' ONCEINAWHILE ENSURES EXACTLY THAT.
17. I will hate the Faraway Tree because I’m a kid no longer SHUTUP, KID!
18. I will hate the Harry Potter series because it is a sell-out IT IS, BUT IT IS KINDA LIKE YOU (OR ME) - WE LOVE IT DESPITE THE FLAWS!
19. I will dislike Queen because Freddie Mercury was gay OY HOMOPHOBIA! MARBO TENE EK CHOR!
20. I will support homosexuality in a debate-competition and then later laugh about gay people AND I TOH WILL TOTALLY KILL YOU!
21. I will not ask for Ray-Ban sunglasses THERE ARE COOL FAKE ONES AT GARIAHAT, WHICH WILL HAVE TO DO TILL YOU GO WHITE COLLAR KAKU AND CAN BUY ONE FOR YOURSELF
22. I will not like Joan Baez AND I WILL THEN NOT LIKE RITWIKGOSWAMI
23. I will not whine if my iTunes doesn’t read my iPod
24. I will be politically aware
25. I will hate the rain because adults face a lot of inconvenience whenever it rains GANDU!
26. I will hate Bollywood because it stoops down to plagiarism, and Hollywood doesn’t(nevermind those countless reproductions of K-horror and J-horror flicks) SAME AS ABOVE!
27. I will be responsible
28. I will not sleep till 1 pm
29. I will not want to consume bullets for breakfast and piranhas for lunch AND I WILL SHOVE A BAZOOKA DOWN YOUR THROAT!
30. I will not compose insanely sugar-coated poems like Colourfly YOU WILL NOT SAY ANYTHING AGAINST ZE COLOURFLY OR I WILL YANK YOUR RIBCAGE OUT AND WEAR IT AS A TOPHAT
31. I will remember that triphenylmethyl radical was the first free radical discovered
32. I will remember that only losers are interested in the love stories of their favorite actors BLEH!
33. I will not confuse Gauss’s Theorem with Ampere’s Circuital law
34. I will know how to differentiate and double-differentiate functions that resemble the Russian script.
35. I will not be skeptical about Obama’s intentions. HMPH
36. I will always think, ‘Yes, I can’. Only losers are ever insecure. AND YET, THIS IS A DEMONSTRATION OF INSECURITY ITSELF! AND YET, THERE ARE PEOPLE TRYING TO KNOCK SENSE INTO YOU SO THAT YOU REALIZE YOU AREN'T BLOODY IRON MAN AND ISSOKAY TO BE ALL FUDGED UP FROM TIME TO TIME
37. I will not show-off that I know the capitals of most of the countries of today’s segregated world
38. I will truly repent that I never took my engineering Joint-entrance exams despite scoring a 93.5% with sciences in my School-final(ISC) exams. NAH! NO OFFENCE TO KD, ENGINEERS ARE BORING PEEPAL!
39. I will not want to be a globe-trotter AND YET, WE SHALL FORCEFULLY TAKE YOU ALONG TO TROT THE GLOBE. WHISKEY TANGO FOXTROT!
40. I will be happy to end up with a job in an office-cubicle :( :( :( :(
41. I will be a typical Bangali, and like Maachh-bhaat TYPICAL BANGALIS ARE COOL. MACHH BHAAT ISN'T.
42. I will not be proud of my Jharkhand-small town upbringing. I will only talk about my Army upbringing. POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE POKE
43. I will not like Calcutta because it is a laid-back city, despite the fact that this very city has been home to my grandparents, and parents and my sister and me. CALCUTTA IS HEAVEN ON EARTH! BAS! AND IF YOU DON'T AGREE TO THIS, I'LL MANGLE YOUR BALLS! I SWEAR
44. I will pretend that I hated Biology in school since guys who like it are effeminate AND YET, GUYS ARE AS SEX STARVED AS THEY ARE! HAH, GUYS LOVE BIOLOGY! AND CHEMISTRY! AND YES, THIS IS A LAME JOKE. BUT I HAVE A FEVER. SO LAUGH ANYWAYS.
45. I will like Maths, because ‘intelligent’ people are adept at it
46. I will not be stuck up when I meet new people for I might be labeled ‘snob’, I will not be overly friendly when I meet new people for I might be labeled ‘desperate’. I will not be confused not knowing what to do. BE RITWIK GOSWAMI ! HE SEEMS OK EVEN WHEN YOU ARE DRUNK AND HATE THE WORLD! XD
47. I will learn to play the guitar. Cool guys know how to.
48. I will not be random OVERRULED
49. I will not brood MAJHE MAJHE BROOD KORLE SKIN BHALO HOY!
50. I will not like Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy’s ‘Pyaar Ke Liye’ but I will like Rahman’s ‘Jiggy-Wiggy’ because it is Rahman, afterall. THERE S A SONG CALLED JIGGY WIGGY???
51. I will not like Rani Mukherjee.
52. I will not relate with Phoebe Buffay/ Luna Lovegood THEREBY LOSING OUT RELATING YOURSELF TO TWO OF THE COOLEST FICTIONAL CHARACTERS EVER
53. I will not crib about having to travel with dirty people in public vehicles. Political Incorrectness, I am told AND CAPRICORN SNOBBERY!
54. I will not like Golmaal Returns
55. I will like Scarlett Johansson because normal guys do. WELL SHE IS RATHER WELL ENDOWED
56. I will never be up to any mischief NOT EVEN WHITE MISCHIEF?
57. I will know who I am I AM WHAT YOU SEE/ I AM NOT WHAT THEY SAY/ BUT IF I TURNED OUT TO BE/ COULD YOU LOVE ME ANYWAY? LALALLALA
58. I will not love the smell of petrol. SHORIR ER POKKHE BHALO! KINTU KINTU ... IT'S A PWEETY SMELL TOH =(
59. I will not feel bad for the Coyote, and curse the Road Runner’s precociousness PIP PIP! =P
60. I will not lose another mobile phone MIGHT JUST BE AN IDEA!
61. I will learn to not hold grudges. This way, I’ll be a better person GANDU! GRUDGE BURNS CALORIES!
62. I will not manipulate
63. I will not make fun of Ikshaku EBABA! EBABA! EBABA! AND IKSHAKU WILL THEREFORE LIVE THE REST OF HIS LIFE FEELING INCOMPLETE AND DISORIENTED
64. I will be perfect PERFECTION IS RATHER OVERRATED. FLAWLESSNESS IS RATHER ENDEARING!
65. I will not live. AS THIS SHOULD DEMONSTRATE, SOME BUTTFACE LOONEY MISCREANT OR THE OTHER WILL TRY THEIR VERY BEST TO PULL YOU THROUGH EVERY TIME YOU GET SUCH AN IDEA!



Much love,

R


HaHa, Completely Hilarious....